If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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