i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
