So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
