I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
