dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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