in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
