I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
