We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she looked like the before picture.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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