My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
