Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
