i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
