I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
