can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
