i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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