I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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