He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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