For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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