i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
