I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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