I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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