I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm like, not good at living.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
