Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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