are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
