I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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