How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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