i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
