My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
A bitchslap is in order.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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