it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
