Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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