...so i touched it.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
