We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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