Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
