apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
