he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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