I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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