what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
