I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
