Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
third nipple confirmed
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
