I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
