we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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