I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
