Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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