On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
