What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
