you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
