yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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