I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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