Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
