she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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