i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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