They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The feeling are messing with the penis
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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