Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
