You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
