break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
