i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
