dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
