Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
