not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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