Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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