There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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