please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
