You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
