My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
one two three fourrrrnication!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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