Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
