Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
