Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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