I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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