So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
