So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
