It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
