she woke up with a sticky ear
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
