But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
