i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
