Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
