Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
