i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
