i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
