How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I currently don't understand fingers.
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