This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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