no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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