I didn't shave. On purpose
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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