the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize