Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
