the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You may now shotgun with the bride
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
