Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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