dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
