Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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