is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize